Saturday, November 25, 2006
Wei Ren Speaking,
Before, during and after Prom, I experienced a variety of emotions. I couldn't describe it all in here. All I can say is...
Before
I was looking forward to attend Prom. But I kinda force myself not to attend, for fear of bringing to myself nothing but disappointment. However, later on I told myself this:
"Wei Ren, you can jolly well wear your suit and get down to the ball, and at the end of it, feeling contented, happy and enjoyed the fun. But for you to achieve these, you cannot expect much, you cannot want much. The focus for the night is Prom itself and never just her. Just give her a glimpse and that's it. Only then you'll have no problem."
Prom
There's no hard feelings, no sigh and stress.I managed to do what I told myself to do.
After
At the end of the day, I learnt something. Patience.
Well I did felt abit turn-off and moody towards the end. But it didn't affect me much.
I felt down, disappointed and hurt. But who is solely responsible for this downfall on myself?
Me. No one but me. Not her herself, not her friends, not my friends but Me only.
In the past, I pushed all blames about my hurt, my disappointment, my failures, to her, if not, to her friends. Never myself. But now, I realised the truth and my mindset has changed.
That's the reason why I apologised to her in my the other blog, and i'm doing it now again.
Sorry.
I admit that I screwed myself up, I got myself into a mess, I got myself into such awkward moments, I destroyed some of my own friendships, I hurt some people, I took the wrong approach, I did what everybody thought was wrong which I thought was nothing wrong but meaningful instead, I brought about my own failure and disappointment, I sabotaged myself in befriending her, I gave her the wrong impression of myself and everything of these caused because of me. This is the Truth. This is Reality.
In the end...who suffered the most? Me. This is also the Truth. This is also Reality.
But I'm really thankful that I found and willing to recognise the Truth. For it really is liberating. It is the disguised key which unlocked the chain that I used to chain myself up to a pit. And this pit is one that accumulates all sorrow, disappointment, anger, grieve and all kinds of hard feelings. The Truth dissolves the emotional turbulence that had waged in me for so long. What's in me now are ruins and rubbles from the turmoil. I need a new me. What can i do to get a new me? Weirenism Zacharian Ultimate Extreme 360 Makeover...
12:22 AM
